I wrote this “poem” in 1998 after I’d simply purchased a home in
Florida. I moved in proper earlier than Christmas. And in December of 2011
I purchased a condominium in Philadelphia and moved in proper earlier than Christmas.
Some issues simply don’t change …
Santa Visits a “Simply-Moved” Newcomer in South Florida
Twas the night time earlier than Christmas and all by way of the home
Not a creature was stirring, simply the Mac and the mouse,
When swiftly a wail crammed the air
Because the burglar alarm detected a hair.
I ran to the keypad, pushed down on the code
Hoping neighborly tempers wouldn’t explode.
The telephone rang and I informed the guard I used to be positive
When over the rooftop got here an incredible whine,
Then 4 beeps, a grunt, a groan, and a sigh
And a deep voice bellowing down from on excessive:
“Issues have come to a reasonably go, I’ve to say,
When the elves set up automobile alarms proper on my sleigh!”
He was dressed for South Florida, carrying shorts and a tee,
With the brand of Lauderdale-down-by-the-sea.
Brakes squealed as a sleigh wheel received caught within the gutter
And Rudolph’s hoof smashed up a hurricane shutter.
“I’m glad you dropped in,” I wished to say,
However ideas of a owners coverage received in the best way.
They don’t cowl sleigh wheels, or santas, or deer,
So I’d quickly be in debt for this vacation cheer.
“Have a gentle drink?” I provided, to get him out sooner,
However at moochng this man was clearly the grasp.
“Soda? For youngsters! Simply give me a brew.
Molsons most popular, however Corona will do.”
“Gee, Santa,” I mentioned, as I eyed his huge sack,
“I nonetheless have twelve packing containers left to unpack.
As a substitute of a present this 12 months, perhaps your elves
Might assist me assemble my lamps and my cabinets?
And transfer this huge desk and dangle all these prints –”
However swiftly I noticed Santa wince.
“I’ve an extended drive,” he mentioned with a frown,
“And the elves union says they need to put down
Their instruments after midnight, or I journey alone
And name for repairs on my mobile phone.
A mechanic on holidays? I don’t do magic
And delaying these items to good youngsters can be tragic.”
A final sip of beer, a fast wave of the hand
And Santa was headed away from my land.
The sleigh was nonetheless on the roof, so I cried,
“Take particular care as you climb up the aspect!
These screens are safe, they usually have little wires
To sound an alarm in opposition to burglars and fires –”
Too late! A boot crashed and the sirens started
And ’twas again to the keypad earlier than they may scan
My sensors once more, for twice in a single night time
Would give any alarm system trigger for a fright.
I’ll be spared Santa’s items after I wake Christmas morning
So I’ll simply take a while to submit a brand new warning:
“No trespassing: Elves and Santas beware!
All guests should provide to do house restore!”
Glad holidays!!!
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