In a earlier publish, I wrote in regards to the subject “If You’re Not Bettering, You are Degrading“. That publish centered on why we have to put acutely aware effort into our each day enchancment, particularly self-improvement. Doing so not solely helps us to stop issues and ache, but in addition to achieve happiness, success, and harmonious relationships.
By way of how to enhance ourselves day-after-day, I wrote about it within the publish “Make A To-Be Listing“. Mainly, we have to have an inventory of targets, values, or requirements that we consider ourselves in opposition to day-after-day. I made my listing in an excel journal and mirror on them day-after-day. I name it my “merit-fault journal” as a result of I give myself factors (deserves) for training them and demerits if I violate them.
(A screenshot from my merit-fault journal)
I personally have 10 issues on my listing, however you needn’t have that many. In actual fact, after we begin out, it is best to have much less. Even 1 is okay. As soon as we’re steady in our observe of 1 matter, we will then add extra. If we divert our power on too many issues without delay, we would not do job on any of them.
For me, although I’ve an inventory of ten issues, I really concentrate on one matter at a time. The “Giving” row is my present matter of focus, which is why I’ve boxed it. The others are of secondary focus, or issues that I’ve labored on prior to now and wish to preserve. The yellow cells point out actually vital occasions that I wish to evaluate, which I do on the finish of every month.
Simply to be clear, not everybody must do a flowery excel journal like I do. A paper journal or an digital notice file in your telephone works too. No matter works for you is sweet for you. So long as we consciously attempt to observe these our values and targets every day, we will certainly enhance. With this heightened consciousness, we’ll discover after we violate these requirements, and when that occurs, we must always mirror on why we did that and do higher subsequent time.
Not too long ago, a classmate heard that I have been doing this merit-fault journal for a few years, and he was very stunned as a result of he additionally tried to do it after studying Liao Fan’s 4 Classes (considered one of my favourite books), however he stopped after just a few weeks as a result of he was discovering too many errors and faults in himself, and it made him really feel depressed. Therefore, this publish will likely be about do each day self-reflection in order that it’s uplifting somewhat than miserable.
I suspected that the explanation this classmate felt depressed will not be due to the merit-fault journal itself, however somewhat on account of his angle and mind-set. Therefore, as an alternative of exhibiting him my excel journal, which in all probability would not resolve the issue, I first requested him, “What’s your objective with the merit-fault journal? Why did you begin doing it?”
He mentioned, “To enhance my virtues and proper my faults.”
I replied, “Actually? However that objective sounds very constructive, so why would you get depressed? Perhaps you thought that was your objective, however on a extra unconscious degree, you actually wish to be flawless and never make any errors. That is perhaps why you bought depressed when seeing that you simply nonetheless have so many flaws after just a few weeks.”
He regarded intrigued. I continued, “My intention with the merit-fault journal is solely to enhance myself somewhat bit day-after-day. I do know I’m not excellent and that I make errors day-after-day, so after I discover a mistake and file it, I do not really feel horrible. I really feel that making errors is regular, it is a part of the development course of, and it is the explanation I began doing the merit-fault journal within the first place.
However since my objective is to enhance, I’ll take into consideration do higher subsequent time and write down a concrete motion plan. Then, if the same event arises sooner or later and I handle to do higher, I congratulate myself on it. So doing the merit-fault journal makes me comfortable.
I additionally set targets for sure good habits I wish to domesticate. For instance, I spent many months making an attempt to domesticate calmness and carefulness in each day life. Initially, I ceaselessly had demerits as a result of my thoughts is normally fairly agitated. However that did not discourage me. I do know it is a part of the change course of. As time went on, slowly, I had some days the place I had constructive factors, and after a month or so, my constructive factors turned extra steady. It takes time! Making errors is a part of the development course of, and seeing proof of my enchancment additionally makes me comfortable.”
He nodded and mentioned, “I suppose the distinction between us is in our angle. I centered an excessive amount of on my errors and felt unhealthy about them, however you focus extra on enhance from errors and actually make an effort to note your enchancment.”
I mentioned, “Precisely. What you concentrate on, grows. If you focus in your errors and easily cease there, you concentrate on the adverse. You then really feel extra adverse and lose confidence in your self. I do not ignore the adverse. I’m conscious of my errors, however I do not cease there. I shift my focus in the direction of the constructive, in the direction of how I can enhance subsequent time. Since I write down an motion plan for do higher subsequent time, I be ok with myself for making good use of that mistake. If I encounter the same state of affairs sooner or later and proper my mistake, I get one other dose of enjoyment. So doing the merit-fault journal is a supply of happiness for me, and it may be for you too. However it is advisable shift your angle from being afraid of creating errors to seeing them as alternatives to study.
He replied, “OK can we do an instance? Like if my mother and father misunderstand me and I get indignant, this can be a fault as a result of I am alleged to be respectful and filial in the direction of my mother and father. How do I flip that right into a constructive factor?”
I mentioned, “Nice query. First, do not beat your self up for making a mistake; making errors is inevitable; the vital factor is how we reply to the error. Positive, you may give your self a demerit for getting indignant. However then you should utilize the philosophical teachings we have discovered to provide your self remedy. In any case, the basis of our self-cultivation will not be in our actions, however somewhat in cultivating our thoughts, in altering our ideas from improper and unproductive ideas to correct and productive ideas. When our ideas are corrected, our speech and habits will naturally be corrected too.
For instance, we have discovered that the Means of Confucius is to take accountability and provides reciprocity. To take accountability, you possibly can take into consideration your contribution to the battle. What did you try this facilitated their misunderstanding in the direction of you? What would you do otherwise subsequent time to stop them from having doubts in the direction of you?
To offer reciprocity, you possibly can attempt to perceive them extra. Perhaps they have been very careworn just lately, leading to a shorter mood. Or possibly they’ve typically been criticized by others, and so they did not have good function fashions who taught them persistence and empathy, so they are not good at giving that to you. We get indignant at others as a result of we expect they should not be that means, however whenever you perceive others extra, you will understand that their habits has causes, and your anger will subside.
If you speak to your self utilizing these philosophical teachings, that’s a advantage. I can add a 3rd educating: karma. I’ve misunderstood them earlier than, so in fact they are going to misunderstand me again. That is karma. If I need them to provide extra understanding to me sooner or later, I want to provide them extra understanding now, and I have to accumulate till a tipping level for there to be noticeable outcomes. That is additionally karma. In any case of this, I get 1 demerit for getting indignant and three deserves for utilizing 3 teachings in my self-therapy. Fairly good, no?“
He regarded fairly persuaded, however he requested for one more instance, “What if I actually do not wish to do one thing, like my homework, so I procrastinate. After which later I’ve to hurry it. How can I flip that right into a constructive factor?”
I mentioned, “If I have been you, I’d attempt to set smaller targets for myself. Do not be grasping for quick and large outcomes. Goal for affordable leads to affordable time. Give your self alternatives for small wins.
If I already don’t love doing homework and have a behavior of procrastinating, I would not demand myself to instantly be capable to do all my homework in a single sitting, or work for two hours continuous on my homework after I do not feel prefer it. As an alternative, I’d set a objective to simply do my homework for 10 minutes after I do not feel prefer it. If I am unable to even do 10 minutes, then that is a demerit for weak self-discipline.
If I can do 10 minutes, then I get a advantage, and I reward myself with a ten minute break. After just a few days, I would elevate the bar to twenty minutes, then half-hour, and so forth. Realistically, I do know that after I begin doing it, I am going to in all probability wish to end a good chunk, so I am going to in all probability work longer than 10 minutes.
I’d additionally mirror on why I do not wish to do my homework and use the teachings we have discovered. If I do not wish to do the homework as a result of I feel it is boring or I simply do not feel prefer it, then I’d remind myself that if I wish to achieve success in life, I’ve to have the ability to endure boredom and discomfort, and the earlier I domesticate this skill, the earlier I will be happier and extra profitable.
Or possibly it is as a result of others are forcing me to do it, and I wish to insurgent in opposition to them. Then I’d inform myself, rebelling in opposition to others is making me a slave to them. If I do not do my homework, I ought to have a greater purpose, like I’ve extra vital issues to do proper now, or I am at present too drained however I will be good after a brief relaxation. I’m accountable for my emotions, not others.
No matter your purpose is, discover a strategy to carry out correct ideas utilizing the philosophical teachings we have discovered. Even when that does not change your angle fully, it ought to a minimum of enhance it a bit, and that counts as a win.”
He regarded fairly comfortable and hopeful at this level and mentioned, “Wow, I by no means thought it that means. I am positively going to re-try doing the merit-fault journal once more with this new angle.”
Conclusion
If we’re not consciously enhancing ourselves, we’ll degrade, and what will get tracked, will get achieved; therefore the significance of each day self-reflection in the direction of our targets and values. I personally use excel to maintain an in depth merit-fault journal, however not everybody has to. No matter instrument or technique lets you self-reflect and stick with this behavior is sweet for you. By way of angle, we must always keep in mind that making errors is regular and inevitable; the vital factor is how we react to them. To benefit from the each day reflection, we must always extract classes out of errors, flip adverse ideas into productive ones, and search for and have a good time our enchancment.
Supply hyperlink
